What is it about hedgehogs - those snuffling, little bundles of prickles - that inspires such passion, even obsession, in the British psyche?
For more than 20 years, I have held a deep-rooted affection for these spiky creatures - a love, my wife says, that borders on the unhealthy.
Trained as an ecologist, I have spent the past two decades travelling across the world - from the fields of Shropshire to the islands of Scotland, from hedgehog hospitals across Britain to the International Hedgehog Olympics in the U.S. - on a quest to understand our devotion to a universally known, yet little understood, animal.
My mission was to answer all our questions about the humble hog - from the mundane to the sublime.Let's begin with what a hedgehog is. The spiny little visitors that rummage around in your garden after dark are placental mammals. This means they have fur, give birth, and feed the young with milk from mammary glands.
They are among the earliest mammals and can be traced back 70 million years, to the last days of the dinosaurs. This may explain why they developed a prickly exterior. An adult has as many as 7,000 of these spines - and even their young are born with them.
How then, you might wonder, do the females cope with giving birth to such spiny babies - especially when they give birth to four or five at a time?
Well, this is the really clever bit. When it is born (which is usually in June or July, by the way) a baby hog's skin is inflated with fluid, which keeps the prickles beneath the surface. Only after birth, when the fluid is reabsorbed, do the spines emerge.
These spines, of course, are the hedgehog's trademark feature. But did you know that there are none on the animal's face, throat, chest, belly and legs? It makes them really quite strokeable.
In fact, when a hedgehog is in the right mood, even the spines, which lie flat during affectionate moments, are pleasant to stroke.
It is only when a hedgehog becomes displeased that the muscles at the base of each spine contract, causing it to become a hedge of prickles - a bit like when our hair stands on end when we are startled.
The hog's other great defence is to roll into a ball. And they can do this at super-fast speed.
If you ever want to take a picture of a hedgehog, you will have to do so on a very short exposure, or the hog will react to the click of the camera and transform itself into a ball faster than the shutter can open and close.
Hedgehog
Check your bonfire for hedgehogs before lighting it
And did you know that hedgehogs can climb? They can negotiate precipitous wood piles in their search for a plump slug.
They also have their own personalities: some are grumpy, some are cheerful; some bold, some shy.
Indeed, given all their very human attributes, no wonder literature is littered with hedgehog references, from Beatrix Potter's Tale Of Mrs Tiggywinkle to odes penned by Ted Hughes and Pam Ayres.
For me, the attraction is their wild side. Few animals allow us to get as close to them - yet they can't be tamed.
Injured hedgehogs are happy to be nursed by humans, but they will always yearn to return to their natural habitat. Which doesn't seem to bother those who go out of their way to look after them.
Incredibly, there are an astonishing 600 carers registered with the British Hedgehog Preservation Society and one, St Tiggywinkles Wildlife Hospital in Buckinghamshire, claims to be the busiest wildlife hospital in the world, tending to a staggering 10,000 patients a year.
While many might think I'm a little crazy when it comes to hogs, I have nothing on the fanatics I met across the Pond at the International Hedgehog Olympic Games, or IHOG.
On the richly patterned carpet of the function room of the Doubletree Hotel in Denver, I watched astonished as the plastic track was laid for athletic events featuring hedgehogs brought from far and wide.
Before each race, male and female hedgehogs have to be separated. The males are easily distracted if there is the merest hint of an attractive female hog in the air.
But then it's down to business. First, the sprint, during which the hogs are placed in plastic exercise balls (larger version of the balls hamsters play in) and sent hurtling off around the track.
The hurdles are a little more complex. For this, the hogs must climb through a series of holes, each slightly higher off the ground than the one preceding it. Grubs, maggots and worms are all fair game for owners to encourage their competitors through the holes.
But the real champions are those that can master the floor exercises, when the hogs are given two minutes to impress the judges with their mastery of a see-saw, a tunnel, a plastic horse and a ball.
Strategic territory marking is highly regarded, although defecation can cost a contestant vital marks.
On my visit, there was one clear winner: Buttercup, a strange-looking, blonde hedgehog with prominent ears typical of African species.
Everyone had had fun, and there hadn't been any trouble with hedgehogs taking performance-enhancing drugs!
To celebrate, there was a lavish banquet, a rendition of The Phantom Of The Opera theme tune, Music Of The Night - in honour of the hog's nocturnal nature - and a few words from a woman who claims to be able to talk to them.
But despite the glitz, the event left me a little cold, as it was about transforming hedgehogs into pets. Which is ridiculous.
Despite their charms, they are wild animals - and, quite frankly, emit a truly devilish pong.
They can also harbour as many as 1,000 fleas each, although they are not all fleabags.
We should learn to respect their feral nature, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't look out for them.
They certainly need our help. Their numbers are declining rapidly in Britain, falling 20 per cent in the past decade alone. Habitat destruction (larger fields mean fewer hedgerows and fewer hedgehogs) is probably the main reason for this.
If there is one tip I could give you to encourage more hedgehogs, it would be this: do less gardening. The clue is in the name: 'hedge' hog.
They love piles of decaying leaves, in which they can feast on slugs and snails.
And I would also urge a ban on bonfires. Hedgehogs love setting up home in piles of wood. So if you must have a bonfire, always make sure you move the wood to another location first, just in case there is a dozing hedgehog inside.
On a similar note, if you use garden netting, make sure it is at least 30cm off the ground to avoid hogs getting entangled in it - and always cut up the plastic rings that hold multi-packs of beer and soft drinks together.
They can easily get stuck around a hedgehog's belly, and can cut through the skin, making it vulnerable to infection.
You should also keep drains and ponds covered to prevent them from falling in and drowning, and don't use slug pellets, which can poison hedgehogs
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